Article Summary - How to Give People Advice They’ll Be Delighted to Take

Paraphrased summary of a NYT article - How to Give People Advice They’ll Be Delighted to Take

Researchers identified three factors that determine whether input will be taken to heart. 

People will go along with advice if it was costly to attain and the task is difficult (think: lawyers interpreting a contract). 

Advice is also more likely to be taken if the person offering counsel is more experienced and expresses extreme confidence in the quality of the advice (doctors recommending a treatment, for example). 

Emotion plays a role, too: Decision makers are more likely to disregard advice if they feel certain about what they’re going to do (staying with a dud boyfriend no matter what) or they’re angry (sending an ill-advised text while fuming).

Things to keep in mind to make sure the advice you give to others will help -

  1. Evaluate the situation. Make sure you’re actually being asked to give counsel & not just feel heard
  2. Be clear on the advice-seeker’s goals - inquire about what has been done to address the problem so your suggestions won’t be redundant. Ask - “What do you want to know specifically that I can help you with?”
  3. Consider your qualifications. If you aren't qualified, identify someone who is in a better position to help.
  4. Collaborate on a solution. Be friendly & reassuring. Use language like “suggestions” and “ideas” because that feels more collaborative than “advice”. Share experiences in the spirit of, ‘This worked for me, maybe it’ll work for you, too.’
  5. Offer support as needed, allowing advice-seeker to disregard any suggestions that aren’t a good fit: “Your mileage may vary. Take what you need and leave the rest.”

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